Why I Wrote a Field Guide for Parents of Transkids

There are an increasing number of great books out there for parents and caretakers of transkids. And an increasing number of powerful memoirs about a family’s journey when a child comes out as transgender. But when my own amazing 13 year-old came to me telling me he was not actually my daughter but my son, none of those resources felt like exactly what I needed.

Broad surveys of research-based transgender issues, often by a mental health professional working with trans and other kids on a gender journey, felt too general. Parenting memoirs usually felt too meandering and did not provide the guidance on specific action steps I sought. I wanted to know what to do. I wanted to know what I should do.

So I wrote the field guide I wish I could have handed to myself on that day. It’s not research-based, other than in all the ways one’s own lived experience counts as research. It’s not a parenting memoir, although stories come into play as they influence the actions our family took and decisions we made.

It’s bullet points. And timelines. It’s questions to ask and advice about listening.

It’s also a dialogue with my son, because that is something that was also missing for me in all the resources I sought. Conversation has become the overarching theme of our journey. Dialogue. Sometimes we hit it right. Sometimes too much. Sometimes too little. But my husband and I did everything we could to keep the channel open with him and with each other as his parents.

So please read - and share - this field guide if it is helpful. Add comments to the google doc if you are so moved. Check out the resources - and suggest your own. This is a conversation.

But start by asking. And listening. To your kid. What does your kid dream of for their future? Hold that close and help them make it happen.