More than 5 years ago our son came out as transgender. Today, I’ve written the field guide I wish I could have given myself then. I hope these resources are useful to you as you navigate your own journey.

“Dear Past Susannah,

First, what I need you to know is that he is right. He is right about his name and gender pronoun. He is not going to change his mind. He will remain consistent and persistent, and he will give you a little grace on being insistent. However, this is not a phase he is going through. Get used to the idea. He’s going to need you.

Second, what I need you to know is that you are right. On his behalf, you will find a great number of people and medical professionals with lots of good wisdom and advice to share. And still. You are his mom and will play a special role. You do know and love him best. You will need to have on your “mom-ears” at all times, which means listening for the things that are not being said and holding his hopes close to your heart … in fact, you are going to become a superhero with those mom-ears of yours. Take on his purpose but not always his urgency, although you are both going to wish it had all gone faster.

The rest, you will figure out. Move as fast as possible but as slowly as necessary.

Love,

Current Day Susannah”
— Opening of Insistent. Persistent. Consistent.
“Language of gender identity and expression is changing so quickly. If you aren’t confused, you are not paying enough attention”
— Lisa Kenney, former CEO of Gender Spectrum

PFLAG has a great glossary of terms and Trans Student Educational Resources created the graphic Gender Unicorn

Resource Roundup

aka things we found helpful or learned about along the way. Please email me at susannah.staats@gmail.com if you have resources to add … or any I should take off - yikes!

(*) = something we personally found helpful

Books I Recommend to Family & Friends

Identity Change Resources

  • (*) Gender Spectrum was incredibly helpful, including their Conference & Parenting Resources

  • (*) Transgender Law Center provided the resources for us to figure this out legal name changes, including a paperwork workshop which was invaluable

  • Camp Aranu'tiq We haven’t been to this summer camp but it got on our radar when we were feeling alienated from traditional gendered summer camp type activities

  • Camp Indigo - is a camp for trans 4-17 yo kids … currently in the Bay Area (CA) and Boulder (CO)

Mental Health / Support

  • The Trevor Project is a national suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people

  • Trans Life Line - is a suicide prevention/crisis hotline run by and for trans people

  • Mind the Gap is a list of gender affirming therapists in the Bay Area, CA

  • Pacific Center operates a sliding scale mental health clinic for LGBTQIA+ and QTBIPOC people and their families in Alameda County, CA

Biomedical Changes / Health Resources

Money Resources

  •  Point of Pride’s annual transgender surgery fund (as of writing this, applications due each November and they seem to be available to minors with parental consent, but check their website)

  • Jim Collins Foundation (as of this writing, grant cycle is May to August)

  • Genderbands (as of this writing grant cycle is November to December)

Parenting Resources

  • (*) Gender Spectrum is a great place to connect with other parents and caregivers (and those who love them) to support our kids; they also host annual Professional and Family Conferences

  • TransFamilies is a nonprofit organization that has been supporting transgender people and their families since 2008. Formerly called Gender Diversity, they also host the annual conference Gender Odyssey

  • PFLAG is the first and largest organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) people, their parents and families, and allies. With over 400 chapters and 200,000 members. There probably is a chapter near you.

Gender Affirming Clothing Resources

  • (*) gc2b our favorite chest binders and other gender affirming underwear

  • (*) TomboyX for gender neutral underwear

  • Reel Magik FTM packers

  • Leo Lines: MTF underwear and bras

Advocacy Resources